Castle Bisset

OCTOBER 17, 2018

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Sir Joseph's Secret Passageway


You may not believe this but it is as true as the day I was born! One of my relatives, who shall remain nameless as I still value my life, took me to the VA hospital a few months ago (it's taken me this long to work up the courage to tell this little tale). On the way there she had to pee - badly - and the rest stops on that part of the Interstate were non-existent. She tried to make it to the hospital restrooms but about a mile from the facility the situation became unbearable. She stopped the car beside the road, went to the rear wheel on the passenger side, and took care of business.

The other day we were talking (and laughing) about that day and it reminded me of a date I once had. This may or may not have been worse but it sure was embarrassing for both of us.

It was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold... and I was taking a girl ice skating at Lake Sylvan - a lake in northeast Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere. It was our first date, a day trip, no overnight, we were strangers after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until we were headed home late that afternoon.

We were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra hot chocolate. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! I suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told me that I had better stop and let her pee beside the road or it would be the front seat of the car.

We stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. I stood on the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed I was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered my concerns about "What is taking so long?" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

I came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into my eyes, I burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when we finally managed to compose ourselves, we assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, we were faced with a real problem. We both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, we quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

Sir Joseph

Castle Bisset Editor

Famous People Editor


Contributions to today's Castle Bisset have been made by:
Sara in New Mexico
Missy in Pennsylvania
Monica Brands

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