Castle Bisset









JANUARY 21, 2019


In today's House Of Humoronics

Teenagers Try To Use A Rotary Phone
What You're Cooking
That's My Kid
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Where Are You Headed?






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Sir Joseph's Secret Passageway

CAT FIGHT

Some people have to go to the wilds of the woods, explore nature trails, or go on camping trips to encounter wild animals. Around our place when we lived in North Carolina, we needed to go no further than the back door.

One quiet evening we heard a horrible screeching noise that seemed to be coming from our back yard. Upon investigation I discovered two neighborhood cats were fighting in the yard, most likely in an undeclared territorial dispute of some sort. Instead of taking the sensible approach of either just letting them fight, or swatting them with a broom, my wife tried to separate them ... manually. I can only wonder if she has been brainwashed by watching too many Garfield cartoons on television.

Needless to say, these cats didn’t welcome her involvement in their business, and a big yellow tabby bit her hand as a reward for her unwanted intrusion. It didn’t seem all that bad at the time, and she only screamed loud enough to be heard in two or three of the surrounding counties.

I supposed if I had known, I might have suggested something less fierce than a domestic house cat, like a brown bear or a mountain lion, perhaps.

“Why did you get involved in a cat fight?”

“The little cat doesn’t have any claws and I thought the other cat would kill her!”

Nobel thought, but foolish action. I never thought I would be the husband of a woman who would disturb the balance of nature by interfering in the process of natural selection and survival of the fittest.

She looked up the neighbor who owned the cat to be sure it had been vaccinated. Of course the owner felt badly, but probably wondered, like every one else, why she became involved in a cat fight. “That cat is always giving me trouble,” he declared, making us wonder why he had never noticed that the animal is practically a small jaguar.

By the next day the hand was swollen and an angry red, obviously infected. After two trips to the doctor for antibiotic shots and enough oral medication to shrink Laura's pocketbook into a small change purse, her hand looked worse than ever.

“I’m putting you in the hospital,” the doctor told her, in spite of her gripping the treatment table and begging not to go – until he pointed to the streaks starting to go up her arm.

Who would have suspected that a domestic cat is one of the worse possible animals to be bitten by? Their mouth contains an enzyme of some sort that frequently creates an infection, especially on deep puncture wounds. The saliva carries infectious bacteria with ominous names like pasteurella and staph. And I always thought cats were all sweet, purring little fur balls.

When I told people that my wife was in the hospital because she was involved in a cat fight, they invariably think that she was fighting with another woman. No one seems to think of real cats, the kind with fur and whiskers, as being capable of severe injury.

Being the tenderhearted sort, my wife forgave the cat, which was, after all, only defending itself, she asserted. After three days in the hospital receiving antibiotics intravenously and suffering a considerable amount of pain, she felt a bit less generous toward her feline friend. However, I believe she was delirious when she was talking about making cat dumplings.

Anyhow, the swelling finally subsided, and the doctor allowed her to come home. The little cat next door had no idea that my wife was gravely injured trying to defend her.

And so, life went on at our house, just one thing after another.

What happened to the cat? Oh, it was still around when we moved back to Pennsylvania. When I came home from work one day, I could scarcely believe my eyes as the furry culprit was sitting on our back doorstep as if he owned the place. I’m not certain if he came over to apologize or to look for a second round.

Tempted by manly instincts to defend my spouse, I’m wondering why he couldn’t sense my barely controllable urge to turn him into a feline fur piece.







SIR JOSEPH
Castle Bisset Editor

THE DARK PRINCE
Famous People Editor
Dungeonmaster

DAME SUNNY
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Contributions to today's Castle Bisset have been made by:
Sara in New Mexico
Glenn in Texas
Adam Holz


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