Castle Bisset

MARCH 23, 2018

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Sir Joseph's Secret Passageway


MARCH 23, 2018

Last Wednesday morning I met my buddy Les at a local country restaurant for breakfast - just the boys getting together to shoot the bull. We sat down and talked for a while until this cute little waitress came up to our table and asked if we wanted a menu.

"What's on special?" I asked.

"We have a Southern Breakfast Special today," she said with an attempt at a Southern drawl. She failed.

Sounded good to me. "What does that include?" I asked.

"Two eggs, any style, ham or bacon, home-made biscuits with red eye gravy."

"No grits?" I wondered aloud.

"No, sir. Eggs, meat and biscuits."

Les and I both ordered the Southern Special anyhow. He said it sounded good but I was mighty curious as to what a Pennsylvania Dutch restaurant considered 'Southern'.

Les looked at me kind funny and asked, "What are grits?"

What? You've been on this earth for this long and don't know what grits are? In my mind I smiled and thought, "Hmmm ... time for a little fun."

I looked Les straight in the eye and said, "Grits are a food that comes from a grit tree. You harvest them like walnuts, grind them up real fine, boil them and serve them with a big dollop of butter."

"Sounds like a lota work to me. What's a grit tree?"

"It looks like a pine tree only it doesn't grow pine cones - it grows gritnuts." He was buying my line but I was beginning to think that my tall tale was getting a bit too tall!

"Yuck!" was his reply. "What do they taste like?"

As any good Southerner knows (or anyone who has lived in the South for any length of time) grits have a taste of their own and you either love grits or you hate them. Unless they are 'instant' grits - everybody hates that kind. I love grits - Lady Laura hates 'em.

I've never had anyone ask me what grits taste like so I was unprepared for Les' question. The best I could come up with on the spur of the moment was, "They kinda taste like corn." Everyone down South knows that grits are made from corn so that sounded logical to me.

"Corn? Corn for breakfast? No, thanks." And that settled it for Les as the waitress came with our Southern breakfast.

The eggs were runny, the ham was good but it was made from fresh pork - not smoked, and the red eye gravy was actually sausage gravy. I should have known you can't get a good Southern meal north of the Mason-Dixon line.

Shoulda ordered the Western Omelet with home fries.

Sir Joseph

Castle Bisset Editor

Famous People Editor


Contributions to today's Castle Bisset have been made by:
Sara in New Mexico
Sissy in Pennsylvania
Elisa Morgan

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