Castle Bisset

FEBRUARY 21, 2019

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Sir Joseph's Secret Passageway


I was talking to my buddy Les yesterday. He had just had a humdinger of an argument with his wife and stopped by our house ... to cool off, I guess. He is married for the second time and, like all marriages, he's going over a bit of a rough spot. He observed that Lady Laura and I have been married almost 50 years and asked me what I did to keep our marriage together. Laura happened to overhear him and came into the room and sat down.

"I want to hear this too."

I told him it was simple. It only takes a couple who keep something between them - God. If you follow His precepts your marriage will be strong - even while going through the rough times.

Laura nodded in agreement and then asked me to tell her what advice I would have give her before we got married if I knew then what I know now. It took a bit of thinking but here is the list I came up with.

That was a little tougher but I started by telling her that there are two sides to every story, the way I tell it and the way it really happened.

• I have the solution for any problem. It may not work, but I have a solution.

• Only ask your me to do something once, I won’t hear you after that anyhow.

• I know you best, but you know me better.

• The more you pay for a new outfit, the greater the probability you will forget to remove the price tag before I see it.

• The most powerful motivator known to man is the smell of a steak on the grill.

• The more you nag me, the greater the probability that you are wrong.

• If you think you have any secrets from me, remember why I buy you negligees.

• Never tell me you have nothing to do. I will ask you to bring me a coke.

• If you need an item you can’t find, ask me. I won’t have it either, but I will know who to borrow it from.

• If you want something new, I can always figure out why you don’t need it.

• You can’t out procrastinate me; don’t even try.

• I can always come up with a better way to do something, especially after it’s already done.

• Never complain about the movie until after I make the popcorn.

• No matter how long you’ve been on a diet, I will still take you out to an Italian restaurant.

• Never forget who puts up with your faults. That’s something else to worry about.

• Never say you can do it yourself, unless you are planning on it.

• The more expensive the gift I give you, the more you will wonder what I've been up to.

• I know that your “honey do” list has no beginning and no end.

• My turf is always the exact spot where you need to vacuum the rug.

• You will always need to use the car before he does when the gas tank is empty.

• The older I become, the more he acts like a child.

• The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that I will invite company for dinner.

• No matter how big I get, I am never too big to wrap around your little finger.

• The more you detest my plaid shirt, the more often I will wear it.

• The longer the story I'm telling, the more likely you’ve already heard it.

• I always know everything – I just sometimes have trouble remembering.

• The grass gets mowed on two occasions, when it needs it and when you want him to do something else.

• I am the only person who will know you better than the bathroom mirror.

• The reason I won’t turn down the TV is because I can’t hear you asking.

• If you can’t remember whether I told you he would be home late, I will.

• Never criticize me about anything that involves a hammer, saw, or screwdriver.

Sir Joseph

Castle Bisset Editor

Famous People Editor


Contributions to today's Castle Bisset have been made by:
Sara in New Mexico
Glenn in Texas
John Blase

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